Quibbles of a thinker

Today's Quibble - The stress of a pregnant woman

2006-11-02T19:00:21+01:00

Where do I start...?

Okay, well today's quibble is a bit of a long one - but it is more of a "double quibble"!

The first issue I will be whingeing about today will be my health care providers and how I'm not the only one either! Mums to be need to be in the know!

Secondly - the system - again! What a mess!

Ok, so Midwives...

At my stage (36wks and 6 days)I should be seen every week by my midwife, apart from the fact that getting information about the baby and my pregnancy is like getting gold dust out of a tree - she has been away on holiday for the past week so my home visit appt was cancelled for this week - I had to make an appt last week to be seen because I wanted answers (didn't get them - the two midwives in charge just wanted to go home and rushed my check up - said he was head down but not engaged which was a little upsetting considering all the pain I was hoping he was engaged or at least engaging) - anyway, I rang her today and she's off sick for another couple of weeks so I see these two "hens" next Friday.

I call them that because they were too busy chatting to each other and giggling and rushing about to bother with me, they just checked me, wrote notes (only my blood pressure and that baby's heart rate was heard) and got me out as soon as poss, one even said to the other as I was leaving "Does this mean we can go home now?"

When I asked one of them who was doing the examination "What position is he in?" she replied, "He's head down." then I asked if engaged, she replied "No, not at your stage, you're only 32 weeks" then the other midwife corrected her saying "34 plus weeks" then I said, "No, I'm 36 weeks." the reply was "Not according to the computer you're not due till December." And I'm going, "It's November... I'm due in N O V E M B E R!!!"

Grrrr....

Last night I had concerns and ended up sending a message to a midwife on the site Allexperts.com, she was rather concerned that I wasn't booked a routine appt instead of the home visit this week and insisted I should be seen weekly at my stage.

I also mentioned (TMI, sorry) extra discharge and cramps I've been getting and she told me I should be seen and checked regularly.

It is pointless ringing the surgery because the midwives only do ante natal checks on Fridays and I do have an appt for Friday next week. But I'm just so annoyed.

A lot of other mothers I have spoken to online seem to know so much more than me about their pregnancies like the size of their baby, if they're dilated etc... and I am certain it is just typical of this town (small West Yorks mining town) - it is so backwards here.

If it were a city I was living in I am sure I would have had all my questions answered - I had a fantastic doctor in York when I lived there, she was great, but in this town they are so... slack! It's like because there is such a high pregnancy rate here, that I am just a number and I don't seem to or actually feel like I get the right care.

And when you ask questions or argue I have noticed here that you are deemed a "difficult patient" (one of the midwives mentioned a previous patient before me then said "You're not going to be difficult are you?")

Right then so that was stress enough! Then to make things a little more hard... the System!

I successfully came off Incapacity Benefit for 2 reasons (1 I NEEDED my sure start maternity grant and was rejected for it in Incapacity and 2 I NEEDED WORK - TEMP WORK, HOME WORK - Any WORK because my Creditors have been putting so much pressure on, I struggle to live off what I get). So I signed onto JSA...

They questionned it, they queried it, they told me "You won't get paid for another 2 weeks because your Incapacity payment already went out on the system" so I said "What do I live on?" the advisor replies "Perhaps you could apply for a Crisis Loan?" No, I can't get to the nearest town where they deal with it - that is nearly 10 miles away, I have to wait for the post, by then it will be about 2 weeks before I hear from them unless i travel, and because I am about to give birth in the next couple of weeks or so, getting a bus is quite daunting right now. So... I applied for my grant - Hurray - got finally accepted.

But... I rang JSA people yesterday to ask the question "When I am in hospital giving birth and maybe have to stay in for a couple of days, if one of those days is a signing day, am I exempt from coming in to sign?" The reply was: No! You should NOT be on JSA, you are pregnant! So, they arranged without my consent, to cancel my JSA and told me to claim Income Support. Which I did try and claim before but was rejected on the grounds that I had been on Incapacity - I got accused of "working the system" last time I tried to go onto Income Support because of pregnancy, so I had rang CAB who said, if you can't get that, perhaps you could get some temp work if you're really struggling. Of course, if you're looking for work, you don't go on Incapacity. You are actively seeking a job, so JSA.

I have attended a job interview recently (past 4 weeks back), I write to agencies regularly, I also apply for permanent work to start in New Year after the birth. So technically I am actively looking for work and would work right up to my due date!

So... this messes up my Housing and Council tax also, and I am due to give birth very soon and I am wound up every single damn day, because I am expected to run around sorting these bloody finances out! Picking up the phone, arguing with people who saw "THESE ARE THE RULES!" "TOUGH LUCK!" and I H A T E them! To the point where if anyone rings me I hate it! I snap at everyone on the phone. I am so sick of it all! I WANT TO WORK - BUT I'M 9 MONTHS PREGNANT, yet I get spoken down to like I am a BUM!

I have had a really crap year, I have been unable to work due to illness but still applied, still went to interviews but got turned down the minute I had to declare my problems (which by law I had to), I have tried setting up my own Biz - which folded and landed me in a lot of debt trouble. I am still paying all that off now out of my benefit money.

I am tempted to run! I am tempted to change my name and run from them! I tried to better things for myself even though I was ill, and could not actually cope with it, but I pushed and pushed to make things right and got it thrown back in my face, then treated like a bum by the authorities, and I just want to move house, change my name, start my career afresh, make something of my life and be someone else!

I am doing a University course from home to start my new career, I plan to be working full time after baby's birth, hubby plans to be full time dad, truth is known - I am terrified it is all going to go wrong! Because I am the Queen of Sods Law! I'm certain - that or cursed! I am scared to actually DO anything like get a pension, invest, anything like that because I am scared I'll not get a chance - maybe lose my job again, land in more debt, and it is me that has to answer to the Debt Collectors.

I have tried CCCS - they won't help - because the bills are Utility Bills and Advertising Bills, I have contact CAB - they gave me a budget plan which left me with about £10 a week to feed myself with, which is - pretty much right. Then when I have baby on way, I cut down my repayments to fund some nappies, or to fund some formula - then I get a threatening letter "PAY US WHAT WE DEMAND OR THE BAILIFFS ARE COMING!" that is my electric board saying that! And I pay them every fortnight without fail - but they hate what little amount I can manage to give them!

I want to go postal on them all!!! I have written to local papers about the state of things with benefits, system, creditors etc... and how they treat people - no one prints it! I have made complaints the proper way, I never get a reply!

What drives some of us to commit a crime? Frustration? Anger? No where to turn? What can a Counsellor do? He can't help you pay your bills! And you know the depression and panic attacks come from the stress of debt, and well, all of the above - and you KNOW the cure is to make money, to work, pay it off - so you try! But if everything gets thrown back in your face - what do you do then?

What DO you do? What would Joe Public do about it in that situation?

I actually put that to a creditor once, she was EVIL! Threatening emails every week because she wanted me to pay more money per fortnight. And I wrote back with that same scenario.

Well call her Sandra (that's not her real name) - I said to her in my most recent mail in reply to her demands "When you lose your job Sandra, and mark my words you will one day, and you care plunged into debt, struggling to pay it, have child or a child on the way, a house to pay for, bills to pay, you live in an area where work is low paid and limited and you compete against many for the same jobs, it take months to find some work, in the meantime, you get demands, threatening letters, stress, you can't cope with anything, refuse to answer the phone because you've had enough of rowing with creditors who refuse to accept your low payments. What will YOU do?"

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Today's Quibble - Benefits

2006-10-11T13:56:21+02:00

Just woke up about half an hour ago, and you know when you have one of those days! AARRRGGHH!!!

After this past half hour I thought - "I want a revolution!"

I was woken up by a phone call by my local jobcentre - I applied for Income Support because I was turned down for my Maternity Grant - I'm on Incapacity because of illness and have been since i lost my job through illness last year.

I found out today that the jobcentre have LOST ALL OF MY ORIGINAL id! Birth Cert, Marriage Cert, Bank Statements, Tenancy Agreement, MATB1 - the lot!

And I was rejected for Income Support because Incapacity pays £2 more a week - I told the lady I didn't care about the extra £2 a week - I need that grant for things for the baby - her reply was "Government rules are government rules" I'll be eligible in the New Year because apparently my MATB1 (Maternity Certificate) covers me for Incapacity Benefit through the pregnancy till late December (a few weeks after the birth).

I am so tired of battling with these people, and that "hard luck" attitude they take with you.

Here's an example - Yesterday I telephoned them to find out about how my claim to Income Support was going, now, I was a month late handing in my claim form and ID because I have been having to rest because of baby being so hyperactive and hurting me - I told the "gentleman" on the phone this and he DID NOT BELIEVE ME. I said I have been on bedrest and his reply was "Oh right, have you now!" and I replied "Yes... I am heavily pregnant and had to wait until I was well enough to get a lift and hand the information in." He was so rude. They really do talk down to you at these offices.

I said to my mother this morning on the phone - I can't understand this system - there are junkies and such that get more money and more help. There are do-gooders than say "Look after them, rehabilitate" But what of the people who actually want to make a difference with their lives but are struggling and are treated like dirt and given a pittance?

The jobcentre have advised I contact Social Services for help! (My mum did that back in 1979 - I know times have changed but I was nearly taken into care because my parents had no money). My Dad told me to complain to the local press - what would that prove?

Call me a snob, but I am embarrassed as it is for being on benefits, I hate the way when you see them or phone them at these places that they tar you with the same brush as people who don't want to work, it is not the case with all of us - some of us are just unlucky enough to lose our jobs through illness or redundancy and can't help it.

Anyway, the jobcentre have been searching their offices for my ID and cannot find it. And way hey, my coursework for Uni arrived this morning, but I missed the delivery because baby kept me up all night booting me in the ribs giving me an asthma attack last night, I have to go and pick it up tomorrow from the sorting office - they want ID when I go to collect - but I have no ID anymore! GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

I said to DH, as soon as Luke is born, if I am fit an well within 2 weeks after the birth I am going early for my work placement which was promised for New Year anyway, we just cannot afford for me to be on benefits with our outgoings - at the moment I live on less than £20 a week of my money and the rest pays off debts and bills.

DH is unable to work because he has a bone condition which prevents him from working, that was why we arranged for me to be the "earner" and him stay at home.

I just can't wait to get back to working again, I just feel so down today. That is the last thing you need though isn't it - getting woken up by a phone call like that!

"Today, I will mostly be - hating people... and the government." Give me a revolution! PLEEEEAAASSSEEE! LOL

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Today's Quibble - Not so much a Quibble (Baby alert)!

2006-10-04T20:39:54+02:00

Well, good evening! It is about eight thirty, I'm in the living room once more (should be cooking the dinner)!

Been on a Mums to be uk message board this evening and did a post on the funny things about being preggers, thought I would share.

For all those pregnant women out there, especially first time mums noticing the little inconveniences of getting a big belly:-

Here are a few

To your shock and dismay, you discover you can no longer see your feet.

You have to sit on the loo with your legs akimbo because the bump prevents you from peeing

You crouch down to get something out of the fridge and end up on the floor for quite sometime because you cannot get back up again.

You can no longer see past the bump to shave/neaten your Puddy tat!

You can now do the Spiderman impression - you can't get out of the bath.

You waddle like a constiptated duck!

You now discover that you can get away with farting and belching in front of your significant other without embarrassment and blame it on the baby!

You forget things and then discover that after searching the house for the remote control that you have actually left it in the fridge! (and cannot work out why)

Your tits are huge! Which can be a good thing if you were a nelly no tits before hand - and you just pray that after breastfeeding that they won't flatten again or go south!

Your hair looks crazy - either really flat and greasy, or suddenly very big and hollywood looking but in the frizzy untidy kind of way - either way the Bandana or baseball cap now becomes your friend.

You wobble like a weeble when trying to get up out of a chair.

Nothing fits you anymore - even some maternity gear is tight (30+ weeks on) and the most money you end up spending is on maternity clothes. And you can't help but shed a tear when you see an item of pre-preggers clothing in your wardrobe looking back at you saying "You may as well take me to Oxfam because you won't fit into me anymore."

Your significant other cannot take their eyes off your huge tits.

Your significant other takes great fun in pressing your belly button which was once an "inny" but is now an "outy"!

I'm sure many can relate to this and smile. If you can you're probably in your third trimester and can't wait to give birth!

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The Crap they put on the Telly... what we actually pay our TV Licence for!

2006-10-04T01:05:29+02:00

As I mentioned before I was rudely interrupted with the reminder that I had an accident with a Space Hopper thus rendering me rather big and round in the belly region. I've decided to tackle the issue which touches the hearts of many of us - The Television! What on EARTH are we watching these days?

I'm back in my living room and Jon and Adam are sitting watching the TV, in fact they're watching Family Guy - an American show. I have never really watched it nor do I have much enthusiasm to try as right now all I can think of is the luscious ham and pineapple pizza that is in the oven and attempting to write this blog without sounding like a complete moaning twat!

I looked briefly at the TV guide (radio times.com - 350 channels 14 days... ooh exciting) while wondering what there was to watch and it amazes me that we pay our licence to watch some of the Sh1t that graces our screens, here are a few examples of tonight's viewing (bearing in mind I have freeview too, so all those extra channels and still I hop from station to station).

How Clean is Your House - Let's expose dirty bastards for the untidy buggers they are eh?

You are what you eat - Now, I am sure this is the show where they actually have the audacity to show you what your own poo looks like after eating the foods you eat - like you don't already turn round to admire? But who wants to see someone else's Log on the telly??? And some professional has to drum it into you to eat your greens!!!

Trinny and Susannah - Two birds with the money to wear what they like and dictate to everyone else what they "SHOULD" be wearing! Also having the audacity to tell someone they look like Shit in front of millions on television.

It's me or the Dog - "Animal behaviourist Victoria Stilwell conducts a mass dog-training masterclass for Britain's unruliest pets at an open-air festival." - Oh no! You are kidding me, people actually get paid to psycho analyse dogs?

Diet Doctors Inside Out - Another look at your own shite and weep show!

Who do you think you are? - Ancestors - okay, nice for those who are into geneology - but are we really that interested in the ancestry of celebs?

Supernanny - Showing us all what the Naughty Step is. Come on - millions have been bringing up their kids since the dawn of time and yet, we have to get shown HOW to be a parent by someone who may not acutally have kids herself?

The Conman with 14 wives- "Access documentary with the world's biggest bigamist and serial conman - as he apologises to those he's damaged." Don't we watch Jerry Springer for this? Who actually gives a shit?

That brings me onto the soaps - Coronation Street, Eastenders, Emmmmmmmerdalllllle... Gracing our screens for years and the hottest topic of conversation in the Pub afterwards. What is it about? People's lives - the same (if not exaggerated) things that go on in our own famillies, friendship circles and so on. So... why is it so fascinating?

Then we have things like Trisha, Jeremy Kyle and so on... let's watch a bunch of dysfunctional people argue on the TV. Thing is, if you happen to work wierd shifts and that is the first thing YOU see when you first turn on the television, doesn't it depress you? No wonder we're all Bi-Polar!!!

Okay, my mate Adam just likened me to Gary Bushell - that's not the case! I just cannot understand people and what they seem to find interesting viewing.

I admit it's all down to taste, but don't you feel that there is nothing really deeply thought provoking out there? Reality TV, silly documentaries about very shallow stuff.

I remember growing up with things like The Cook Report and such, I remember seeing shows about history, and culture - but now the most you see is Doggie Behaviour and let's wear an A Line skirt instead of a Pencil skirt because "People will find you more attractive".

Then another thought pops in... those who can afford 350 channels on top of their extortionate TV Licence (cos let's face it - it is NOT worth the payment) can watch Discovery channel, History channel, and so on.

But those who have terrestrial, what is there to talk about??? Corrie, Supernanny and Dog Borstal! Unless you read a lot, otherwise your life literally scrapes the surface in conversation.

Things I have heard people talk about in the pub usually consist of: Who's having an affair with who, what the neighbours did to their shed, did you hear that Mrs Blah Blah's son is a druggie delinquent? Then they talk about Corrie or Eastenders whereupon the story line is: Who is having an affair with who, what Dot did to her garden shed, and blah blah's son is a druggie delinquent.

It also amazes me that these people in the pub when they hear my friends and I talking about local politics, about what we've read, what project we're working on at that time - that the telly addicts call us freaks in the corner! Because we cannot relate to their need for gossip and TV pap!

If the UK TV people actually made the same effort they put into their films then perhaps we have a hope!

It's not all bad - I have seen a few shows that are quite good (personal opinion), shows that capture imagination, capture emotion and make us think... But they appear to be few and far between.

I pay my TV Licence like the rest of you - I be-grudgingly pay it, just to keep the fine at bay. And there are sometimes shows on the telly that are worth watching, that is why it still remains in the living room.

Have I been blind to this all this time... It is amazing what being pregnant can do, when you can't really do much because the bump is too heavy that all there is is a TV full of crap! What is the world coming to? Can't wait to go back to work!

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The Crap they put on the Telly... what we actually pay our TV Licence for!

2006-10-04T01:05:07+02:00