As I mentioned before I was rudely interrupted with the reminder that I had an accident with a Space Hopper thus rendering me rather big and round in the belly region. I've decided to tackle the issue which touches the hearts of many of us - The Television! What on EARTH are we watching these days?
I'm back in my living room and Jon and Adam are sitting watching the TV, in fact they're watching Family Guy - an American show. I have never really watched it nor do I have much enthusiasm to try as right now all I can think of is the luscious ham and pineapple pizza that is in the oven and attempting to write this blog without sounding like a complete moaning twat!
I looked briefly at the TV guide (radio times.com - 350 channels 14 days... ooh exciting) while wondering what there was to watch and it amazes me that we pay our licence to watch some of the Sh1t that graces our screens, here are a few examples of tonight's viewing (bearing in mind I have freeview too, so all those extra channels and still I hop from station to station).
How Clean is Your House - Let's expose dirty bastards for the untidy buggers they are eh?
You are what you eat - Now, I am sure this is the show where they actually have the audacity to show you what your own poo looks like after eating the foods you eat - like you don't already turn round to admire? But who wants to see someone else's Log on the telly??? And some professional has to drum it into you to eat your greens!!!
Trinny and Susannah - Two birds with the money to wear what they like and dictate to everyone else what they "SHOULD" be wearing! Also having the audacity to tell someone they look like Shit in front of millions on television.
It's me or the Dog - "Animal behaviourist Victoria Stilwell conducts a mass dog-training masterclass for Britain's unruliest pets at an open-air festival." - Oh no! You are kidding me, people actually get paid to psycho analyse dogs?
Diet Doctors Inside Out - Another look at your own shite and weep show!
Who do you think you are? - Ancestors - okay, nice for those who are into geneology - but are we really that interested in the ancestry of celebs?
Supernanny - Showing us all what the Naughty Step is. Come on - millions have been bringing up their kids since the dawn of time and yet, we have to get shown HOW to be a parent by someone who may not acutally have kids herself?
The Conman with 14 wives- "Access documentary with the world's biggest bigamist and serial conman - as he apologises to those he's damaged." Don't we watch Jerry Springer for this? Who actually gives a shit?
That brings me onto the soaps - Coronation Street, Eastenders, Emmmmmmmerdalllllle... Gracing our screens for years and the hottest topic of conversation in the Pub afterwards. What is it about? People's lives - the same (if not exaggerated) things that go on in our own famillies, friendship circles and so on. So... why is it so fascinating?
Then we have things like Trisha, Jeremy Kyle and so on... let's watch a bunch of dysfunctional people argue on the TV. Thing is, if you happen to work wierd shifts and that is the first thing YOU see when you first turn on the television, doesn't it depress you? No wonder we're all Bi-Polar!!!
Okay, my mate Adam just likened me to Gary Bushell - that's not the case! I just cannot understand people and what they seem to find interesting viewing.
I admit it's all down to taste, but don't you feel that there is nothing really deeply thought provoking out there? Reality TV, silly documentaries about very shallow stuff.
I remember growing up with things like The Cook Report and such, I remember seeing shows about history, and culture - but now the most you see is Doggie Behaviour and let's wear an A Line skirt instead of a Pencil skirt because "People will find you more attractive".
Then another thought pops in... those who can afford 350 channels on top of their extortionate TV Licence (cos let's face it - it is NOT worth the payment) can watch Discovery channel, History channel, and so on.
But those who have terrestrial, what is there to talk about??? Corrie, Supernanny and Dog Borstal! Unless you read a lot, otherwise your life literally scrapes the surface in conversation.
Things I have heard people talk about in the pub usually consist of: Who's having an affair with who, what the neighbours did to their shed, did you hear that Mrs Blah Blah's son is a druggie delinquent? Then they talk about Corrie or Eastenders whereupon the story line is: Who is having an affair with who, what Dot did to her garden shed, and blah blah's son is a druggie delinquent.
It also amazes me that these people in the pub when they hear my friends and I talking about local politics, about what we've read, what project we're working on at that time - that the telly addicts call us freaks in the corner! Because we cannot relate to their need for gossip and TV pap!
If the UK TV people actually made the same effort they put into their films then perhaps we have a hope!
It's not all bad - I have seen a few shows that are quite good (personal opinion), shows that capture imagination, capture emotion and make us think... But they appear to be few and far between.
I pay my TV Licence like the rest of you - I be-grudgingly pay it, just to keep the fine at bay. And there are sometimes shows on the telly that are worth watching, that is why it still remains in the living room.
Have I been blind to this all this time... It is amazing what being pregnant can do, when you can't really do much because the bump is too heavy that all there is is a TV full of crap! What is the world coming to? Can't wait to go back to work!
